Lifes little jokes .......

[suzy-chigwell]

thought this would be a little lighter note for you all.....some of them will ring true to some of you....they all seemed true for my life


· Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

· I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

· If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

· Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

· Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.

· I always know God won't give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

· Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

· If the shoe fits .... buy a pair in every color.

· Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.

· Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

· If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

· Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

· Some days are a total waste of makeup.

· Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

· A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

· Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

· Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

· Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

· Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

· By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

· Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me .... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!


[Guest]

execellent and your timing was just perfect

[Guest]

Definitions




ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have.
You have character lines.